Finished!

The 1st part of “The Quiet Room” is now finished. Now I have to turn the meditations into a book, get it proofread and offer to a publisher.

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#122

What gives us our excitement in life? Is it ever something that is happening now? Yes it is, sometimes. During sex, we forget ourselves, and maybe because of that, for most people, sex is the center of life even though we might pretend that we have deeper meanings. And sometimes the entertainment industry and artists create pleasurable moments which we however forget very fast. And there are some few exceptions, persons who like their work and during work, feel passionate about it. But in general, work is merely a tool to earn money or to get success. The meaning of the work is not in the action itself but in the results of that work. Did you ever watch young students attending the classes? It seldom seems that they really want to be there. They want to be drinking alcohol, playing video games, talking with friends, getting lost in social media, do everything else except be excited about the studying itself. What is the psychological factor making us always go further and further away from the current moment? Isn’t it time which is a product of the thought? We are living our lives lost in a stream of time – I am not happy now but tomorrow I will be. Our mind is constantly in a state of seeking satisfaction outside the field of “now” – outside the field of action that is actually taking place now. It is our reactions, our thoughts, our feelings and the ever-lasting stream of words that give us an access to “a better place somewhere else”. And what is there actually left if this stream of sensations would stop even for a one second? Surely, because this stream is going on during all our waking time, it continues in our dreams, too. When we are sleeping, the mind is not resting. The mind is still trying to deal with all the noise that it experienced during the waking time – the mind suppresses the noise a little bit but is unable to stop it completely. So is there ever a gap in our stream of consciousness? Maybe everything we know is a result of our confused mind making constant noise? During the day, there might be short periods of pleasure when we are free of the noise but in general, the noise is going on all the time. Now can the mind understand immediately that all the activity that it is engaged to – thoughts, feelings, reactions, words, images – will only add more noise, more confusion? And what happens if the mind really sees this? It must mean that there is an ending of time – in the sense that “tomorrow is better”. The mind moves outside of its usual field of consciousness – it sees all the noise but it is not identified with the noise anymore. It doesn’t act upon the noise because it recognizes it and therefore it can leave it untouched. The silence can be aware of the noise but the noise cannot be aware of the silence. There is a gap between thoughts, feelings, reactions and words – something that maybe never happened before. So the truth doesn’t lie in all these sensations that the mind is creating constantly – on the contrary, the truth is acting when this stream of consciousness stops completely, even for a while. We are so used to fill our minds with constant noise that a moment without noise seems almost unbearable. It is the noise that gives us our excitement in life – and without that noise, the mind feels empty and useless. But it is only in that emptiness, that there can be a connection with the unknown, with the life. The mind has immediately, without using time, dropped the whole movement of its content. Then there is undivided energy acting, a dimension that is deeper than the brain could ever understand. The silence has become aware of the noise and at that moment, the noise disappears.

#121

Through our whole life, we have been taught to first learn and then act. And for many things in life, it is true. If one wants to become a computer programmer, one has to first learn how to program. If one wants to speak a new language, one has to learn new words and study grammar. And if one wants to become a great football player, one has to practice a lot right from the childhood. And maybe because this attitude of first learning and then acting is so deep in ourselves – it has been going on for all our life – we automatically approach also so called deeper questions of life in a same manner. We think that in order to understand “truth”, we have to first learn how to meditate. Or we think that in order to understand “God”, we have to read the Bible a lot. Or we might think that in order to understand so called philosophical questions, we have to first study philosophy at university or read books from famous Eastern or Western philosophers or both. We never seem to question this whole approach of first learning and then acting. But do you first have to learn what is love in order to love? Do you first have to have knowledge in order to look at something? Do you first have to learn what is funny in order to have joyful moments? Do you first have to create or follow some philosophical system in order to make an insight? Or is the very silence a necessity for all this – a silence which operates outside the field of memory? To look at something, no knowledge is needed at all. On the contrary, when there is knowledge of what one is looking, one is looking at the image, not the actual thing. And a mind which is living its life through knowledge, has no contact with the reality anymore – there is only a continuous stream of images. When the mind is completely silent, when there is a moment during which the image-making process stops completely, then that which cannot be described is acting. A moment of love, insight or joy doesn’t arise from knowledge – these moments arise from total silence, from a short moment in our consciousness when there is a gap between two thoughts, between two feelings, between two images. That gap which is silence starts suddenly expanding, there is an explosion of love, insight or joy – which all in a deeper sense are the same thing. The mind is unable to reach this moment consciously as all its efforts arise from the usage of knowledge – and thus only strengthen the experiencer. To speak a new language, learning is needed first. But to look at something, one has to first just look, not to learn what is looking. To be free of knowledge is the first and only step for freedom. To love is the only way to love. And when the experiencer ceases to be, there is that which is whole, that which doesn’t operate in the past or in the future, that which – besides matter – is the only thing that exists now and therefore the only thing that ever exists. Only in a state of not-knowing, it exists.

#120

Have you ever noticed the enormous power of “I know”? The moment one wakes up, the mind starts its everlasting process of “knowing something”. I know this house, I know this city, I know my friends, I know what I am, I know this religion, I know how to do my work. And the process of “knowing something” will always keep the mind in the past because “knowing” is a process of using memory. Memory is an accumulation of knowledge and experience and out of that arises the process of “knowing”. This process is extremely deep and mostly unconscious. If I wake up in this process of knowing, I will never actually watch and listen anymore. There is no connection to the reality anymore; the mind is only connecting to itself, to its huge network of information. The mind is moving constantly in the past, therefore there is no room for anything that is new – there is no room for love, insight or joy. There is only the mechanic usage of the memory every day – from morning to evening. But if the mind really becomes aware of how deeply this pattern of “knowing” dictates its life, then in this very seeing, there is freedom to watch and listen. Because the truth is that the only thing we really know is our memory. And beyond memory, there is a movement that the brain cannot understand as long as it puts knowledge and information the most important thing in life. And to go beyond memory, one must honestly say, “I have to drop knowledge in order to understand that other.” This kind of action has to continue from moment to moment for the mind to stay free from the burden of knowledge.

#119

Is anything needed to be able to see everything in a fresh way, in a way that has no connection to the struggles of yesterday? When the mind asks this question, it wants immediately to find a method, a pattern, a practice to achieve a state of seeing. Because everything we do in life, is based on knowledge. And when the mind faces a question that goes beyond its understanding, it wants to reduce the question to something it already knows. So the mind thinks that there must be “a way” to see – instead of just seeing. But what if this very conflict is the deepest conflict that the mind ever created? The mind gets used to using knowledge in work where knowledge is needed. And this way, gradually, the mind cultivates a habit of approaching everything through knowledge. What happens if the whole pattern of approaching everything through knowledge is dropped right now? What is there left? Isn’t there something that could be called emptiness? The mind is so used of filling itself with the information that to immediately just drop this whole pattern goes beyond its understanding. The mind wants to find “an answer” to everything – but there is no answer to the question of how to see without the shadows of the past. But if the mind really understands the limitations of the knowledge, then the mind is able to drop that whole pattern immediately. Then there is something that can be called “seeing” and this “seeing” contains no knowledge. The only way to see is to do it immediately. If there is no immediate action, then the mind is lost in psychological time. And the usage of psychological time is actually a waste of time.

#118

What is the essence of illusion? Isn’t it an image? I have an image about myself, about my friends, about the society and about the world, too. Right from the childhood, I have very carefully build this network of images. And each one of my image may be positive or negative, because if I am looking something very neutrally, is there an image at all? If I am looking somebody neutrally, that somebody doesn’t exist to me at all, does he? The images I have are never true; the reality is changing every second. The brain which is an image-making machine can never keep up with the reality. So why does the brain want to keep the images? Isn’t it because the image is static and the brain gets security from that? If something is static, it is not changing. And from that stagnant nature of images, the brain gets enormous security. If I have an image of “God” – positive or negative – or if I say that “God” doesn’t exist or “God” exists – which are also images – that very image gives me everlasting power to resist the reality. So an image is always against the reality. And if I am very smart, I am changing my images every day but no matter how hard I try, the reality is always changing faster than my images about it. It is only in a state of investigation that the brain doesn’t have any images. In this state, the brain is trying to understand what is happening now. And the only way to live without images, is to continue this state of investigation from moment to moment. Freedom from illusion is not an end-point; on the contrary, that state of getting rid of images must continue every second. And a mind which thinks that there is an end-point in its search for the reality is also acting upon an image; an image of everlasting happiness. The very dropping of the image-making process is not an end-point; it is a new beginning every second. There is only this one step and no other steps exist.

#117

How does suffering begin? Our life is based on many different kinds of pleasures – and sometimes these pleasures are based on wrong kind of action. If man enjoys the power he has, clearly he doesn’t see that power corrupts. If he would see – in reality – that power corrupts, could he get anymore pleasure out of that power? So pleasure exists only as long as man is not completely aware of his actions. If man follows a Buddhist or Christian tradition, he gets pleasure out of it but at the same time, that very tradition divides people from each other. The actual seeing of the destructive nature of religious traditions would immediately change the content of the mind – and as long as there is no actual seeing, the pleasure continues. So it is an insight that changes the content of the mind – instead of pleasure, there is suffering as one sees one’s action in reality. What is the point of seeing at all? Without suffering, there cannot be order. So pleasure and wrong action go together and to get out of that cycle, suffering is needed. At the beginning, there is only pleasure arising from the wrong action. When the mind becomes aware of the wrong action, there is suffering. Through that suffering, there is new kind of action which creates true order. And then maybe eventually, the suffering ends and the mind is whole. But this time, the mind is whole in a completely different level. The mind sees all the false layers inside itself; and in that seeing, there is the truth acting. Before, the mind refused to see the false layers inside itself and therefore, it was never seeing the fact. It is the end of illusion that creates suffering.

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